Today, I am not justifying anything. Instead, I want to ask you—my readers—a very raw, very honest question. I want your opinions, your views, and your suggestions.
Based on my survey and personal observation, a controversial trend keeps emerging: when a mother is working full-time during a child’s early years, the child often gets spoiled.
I know this is a massive claim. It’s a deeply opinionated question, but it is a reality I feel compelled to address. Right away, critics will ask: “Are you being unfair to all the moms out there?”
I’ll admit, perhaps a bit. But I also believe there is a practical solution. Women should work, they should be independent, and they should utilize their knowledge and talent. However, when should they do it? According to my perspective on working mothers and child upbringing, mothers should prioritize full-time presence until the child turns 13+.
Why? Because by that age, the culture, the virtues, and the discipline you want to instill in your child have already taken root.
The Heartbreaking Dilemma: Being Fair to Moms vs. Fair to the Child
There is a constant tug-of-war here. If you try to be entirely fair to mothers by pushing them into the workforce immediately, unfairness happens to an innocent child. A newborn has just arrived in this world; everything is entirely new to them.
They need you to explain what the world is. They need to understand how the world sees things and how you see the world. Your child needs your warmth, your advice, and your presence. For a child, you are their best friend until they step out into the world. In fact, a mother should remain a lifelong best friend—someone who protects them through any circumstance and always puts their child’s needs before her own.
Because of this deep bond, a child who has their mother’s emotional availability will rarely stray onto the wrong track. They need you for everything—from the basics of infancy to sharing their deepest thoughts, crying, laughing, and navigating daily life.
No, please do not get me wrong. I am not saying you should make your child completely dependent on you for every small, mundane household chore. What I mean is that they need you for their emotional anchoring. If you aren’t available, they will find alternatives—often a peer or an outsider who cannot possibly offer the same level of genuine care, and certainly someone who is never 100% trustworthy or reliable.
Why Age 13? The Foundation Years
Think back to your school days and the subject of Mathematics. In the early standards, you only learn basics: addition, subtraction, and foundational geometry. Only later do advanced challenges build upon that base.
The same rule applies to parenting. Up until a certain age—which I place around 13—you must build the foundation. Once you have successfully inculcated enough virtues, cultural values, basics of study, and a sense of life purpose, your child can face the world on their own. Whether you remain right by their side through adulthood or not, they will carry your advice with them. When they face future challenges, they will recall your voice and find the courage to conquer the world.
Think about nature: every lion cub looks like a harmless kitten or puppy when it is born. It is the parents who teach the cub that they are meant to be emperors. When a plant is a sapling, you can give it a shape, tilt it, straighten it, or bend it. Once it grows into a massive tree, doing so becomes difficult—and sometimes impossible.
What’s the Alternative?
Can mothers resume their careers later? Absolutely. They can opt for different professions after their child crosses that critical threshold. Alternatively, some might argue a woman should only become a mother after feeling professionally stable. But that path brings its own debate: the biological clock ticks, and older mothers face different challenges trying to run alongside a growing child.
What Do You Think?
This is a heavy topic, and I refuse to shy away from it. To all the mothers, fathers, and guardians reading this: What is your take on working mothers and child upbringing? Do you agree that the first 13 years require a mother’s undivided presence, or is there a better way to balance career ambitions and modern parenting?
Drop your thoughts in the comments below—I want to hear from you!